Do you ever get somewhere and feel as though you’ve never left? And I don’t mean that feeling you get when you come home from a vacation and all your bills and responsibilities are still there waiting for you. I mean that feeling you get when you find yourself in a place and with people that you’ve not been in over a year, but their light and the spirit of the place never left your heart.
Well, that was the exact feeling I got when I drove down the dirt road of Pioneer Trails and came down the hill to Camp Shout Out. All along the hill, I was greeted with the familiar and affirming orange signs with purple printed messages such as “You can change the world.”
When I got out of the car, I was greeted with familiar faces that wouldn’t settle for anything less than a giant hug and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I recently read a quote about how people that have been in your life for even the smallest amounts of time could have a bigger impact than the ones you may have known forever and that time means nothing, but its character that counts. This couldn’t be truer for the friends I’ve made from my time at Camp last year. I actually consider them my family and friends seems not powerful enough of a word. You might wonder how can people you’ve just met and only spent a week with and might never see again hold that much space in your heart. I can only attribute it to the fact that what happens here at Camp and what you experience as a community might just possibly bind you for life. Maybe that’s just what I’m hoping.
It’s hard not to have expectations about what was to come this year at camp or even worry that I’d somehow not be the right fit for my campers this year. I think when you come back to anything like this, a part of you wants it to be the exact same thing, but the other part of you that knows you need to evolve to your “ultimate being” hopes that while the magic stays the experience continues to change and change you. Julie Raynor one of the co-directors shared with all the adults as we gathered before the campers arrived that Camp Shout Out, isn’t something that is easily described, you have to experience it. She is 5000% correct, but I will do my best to let you see Camp through my eyes.
The co-directors of the camp Kristin Chmela and Julie Raynor from the very beginning make you feel comfortable and that you like all the others that were chosen belong here. Kristin even spoke to how when you’re interacting with someone else it’s almost like you are hosting the party. She shared that as the host, you want everyone to feel comfortable and that includes the host. As Julie and Kristin model these values for us trainees, we are able to pass these values on to our campers and hopefully take with us when we leave here on Sunday.
The trainees and other adult staff like myself get to camp roughly two days before the campers. In this time, we are set to the tasks of learning more about Communicative Competency, become familiar with our campers and also learn more about ourselves. We’re put into groups and led by facilitators who each in their own right have superpowers when it comes to working with children and adults who stutter. I always learn a lot in these days leading up to camper arrivals, but what I found this year in addition to gathering more knowledge, I also felt very validated. In our discussions, Kristin mentioned “Controlling the Controllable” and it was exactly what I had done with my summer trip. People kept asking me how I managed to plan this whole zig zagging adventure across the country and the only thing I could tell them was that it was the one thing I had control over in my life right now, so I made it a priority. I was in my own way controlling the controllable and not getting caught up in the negative thoughts of not knowing if I’d have a job or the fear that I’d be living in my parents basement for much longer than I would like( please take the slightest offense to that you can possibly take mom and dad. I get saying no offense is in a way offensive.)
Before coming to camp, Kristin sent me a quick message asking if I could help her with something at camp. While it was definitely an honor to be asked, at the time, I was a little nervous wondering how I could possibly help. Turns out Kristin had caught a view of the dance that I choreographed for the teachers at my school. She wondered if I’d be willing to do the same for the trainees, counselors and any facilitators willing to get up there in front of camp at the Talent Show on Thursday night. Would I??? Most definitely, yes! I decided that I’d use one of the dances from a few years ago that I thought lent itself to learning the moves fairly quickly. Since Camp has a motto of Challenge by Choice, I opened up the practice to anyone who was interested, but no pressure. I wasn’t quite sure who would show up, so I’d been secretly recruiting some of my bunkmates and fellow team members in hopes for a decent turnout. As it turns out, there are a lot of closet dancers here at camp. Practice was packed and everyone had the dance down in one night!
The signs and smiles say it all 🙂
When the campers arrived on Sunday afternoon, they were met with a tunnel of cheer at the top of the hill. Drums, signs, cowbells and loud cheers that without explicitly saying it, say “We are glad you’re back” and “We are glad you are here”. As the cars passed me, I’d sneak a peek in any of the windows that weren’t tinted for a familiar face or smile. The scene on Sunday reminds me of a movie that had been on pause since last August. Games of Gaga and volleyball picking up again and children running across the field to almost hug/tackle their bunkmates and friends from last year. While campers are settling in that night the whole camp plays a giant game of Shaving Cream Capture the Flag. I think I mentioned last year that I had never heard of this game but I’d also never been to camp.
This year I was ready and waiting. Camp’s theme this summer revolved around Super Heroes and well never being one to not dive right in, I made sure while chasing a camper down I tripped and Superman’d across the field. For anyone thinking, aww man that would have been funny to see, don’t you worry, John Gomez, creator of the documentary When I Stutter, who I’ve often raved about is making a documentary on camp and he just happened to catch that move of mine on time-lapse.
He told me at breakfast the next day that he’s more than happy to put it on a repeat reel for me if I wanted. I for one would not be sad if that winds up on the chopping block.
After a few rounds of what really ends up being a shaving cream fight, all the adults and campers make a dash for the lake to “rinse off”. Here kids get to splash each other and the adults and not only are they not told to “stop plashing”, but they are also encouraged to do so.
This game and moment is the perfect way to welcome the children without requiring them to use too much of their speech and allowing them to ease into camp.
As Monday begins, Camp Shout Out likens itself to a very well oiled machine with a few extra special surprises sprinkled in here and there. Karl gives his “7:30” wake up call over the PA system, to let you know that you have 30 minutes to get ready for breakfast and most importantly, “that it’s a great day to be alive.” With a mix of sleepy eyes and excitement the campers, counselors and trainees meet at Stump 2.0, also known as the flagpole, to kick off the day in true camp fashion. Saluting the flag, some silly repeat after me song or even one with exercises telling your Chicken Fat to go lead by Adam, the recreation director extraordinaire. He gets so into his craft that he’d already lost his voice by the end of the day on Monday…or was it Sunday. Being surrounded by speech therapists, I’m sure he caught an earful of unsolicited advice about resting his voice. I know I was guilty of telling him not to whisper as it is not saving his voice and quite possibly stressing out those vocal folds more. After breakfast ends, there is an all-camp Morning Shout Out at the Chapel. The Chapel does not have any religious connotation, it’s just an outdoor amphitheater that happens to be called the Chapel.
Here the campers who are LITs (Leaders in Training) are led by Coach Tom in putting on skits for the rest of camp. These skits can make you laugh or cry as the campers often portray actual scenarios in where they’ve not been listened to or bullied because of their stutter. When they transition to the game, “What’s my Superpower?” all the campers get involved and start giving the blind-folded LIT clues as to what superpower is fastened to their cape. One of my favorite clues from the week was when one camper, who I think might be 10 or 11 told the LIT, “My clue is that there’s a character in the TV show M.A.S.H who’s nickname is your power.” Radar Vision was the power, but that little one was pretty much my superhero for knowing that fact. Morning Shout out concludes with two very powerful practices, a daily affirmation that the campers not only think about but also write down and a mindful moment. This year at Camp, we had our very own yoga teacher whose superpower just happened to be breathing. As the week progressed, I witnessed even the squirreliest of campers taking this time to be mindful of their breath and thoughts (if they happened to sneak in…no judgments).
a week filled with affirmations 
Our Professional Breather
The day progresses with time for the trainees to learn from their facilitators and faculty, the kids to take place in rec games and also time with their SLP to work on both Core and Guided practice. Notice I didn’t say, work on being more fluent or not stutter. It is a Core Value of Camp that we are building effective communicators, stutter or no stutter. This year I was with a group of soon to be 8th graders and got to know and love them all as if we’d been doing this forever and not just for a week.
The day continues with lunch, Rest Hour (if you just repeated and said, “Rest Hour” I know you were there this week with me) and more rec time for the campers in the afternoon. However, no afternoon at camp is complete without SNACK TIME! I had mentioned that the camp is very well structured but one of the surprises came at Snack on Tuesday. A full-blown frozen yogurt truck with all the fixings showed up for the campers and adults alike to order their flavor of choice (chocolate or vanilla) and two toppings.
Snack time is typically funded by families or generous donations from area businesses, so if you’re ever feeling generous in August or any time in the year, you know where to find me. My campers and I had practiced ordering during our guided practice time and each one of them walked up to the window with a confident body and asked for the one they wanted. Two of the three of my specific campers shared that often times when ordering in a restaurant, they’d either change what they wanted to order if they knew they were going to stutter on that particular word or have a parent order for them. It was only the second day of camp and they were already stepping up to their challenge speaking situations. Post snack the field or grassy area, I guess the field is a little over to the right of the grass, is filled with yoga mats and as the afternoon breeze picks up, we all wind down again with a quiet moment of guided mediation, breathing or yoga. As with the morning mindful moment, there is a hush that falls over the regularly bustling campground. Next up, dinner that will occasionally have people calling each other out about their elbows on the table or being rushed with the “announcement song” after saying they had an announcement. Also being called out isn’t as simple as, Caitlin get your elbows off the table, it’s a song with the person’s name inserted and then being asked to sing a song, from the top of their chair for the whole dining hall to enjoy. At the beginning of the week, it’s mostly counselors, rec staff or maybe an LIT or two that is called out. And by the end of the week, we had campers who wanted nothing more than for someone to catch them with their elbows on the table so that they could get up and sing in front of the packed dining hall. How these campers continuously put their brave in front continues to amaze me. Dinner can also sometimes bring “unexpected challenges” for the adults as well. When one of my campers exclaimed how happy she was that there was pudding at dinner as it was the thing she was looking forward to most at camp, I casually shared that I was afraid of pudding. She challenged me to “take a risk and try a spoonful”. I jokingly said, “maybe” as I knew this was not something I had any interest in doing. The campers were still sitting with just their cabin mates, so I went off to my table and figured she’d forget.
I figured incorrectly, halfway through dinner there was a tap tap tap on my shoulder and she asked me if I took my challenge yet. Just a few hours ago in our practice time together, she told me that she did not want any speaking challenges in front of the large group of people she didn’t know and here she was coming up to a table full of mostly unfamiliar adults and speaking…how could I not take the challenge. Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration I wasn’t totally gung ho. After all, this was pudding. I originally said I didn’t have a spoon (which was true), but she quickly remedied that by going to get me one. So there was no backing out now. Challenge accepted and done with a giant gulp of water after a very small teaspoon of pudding. I had modeled that it doesn’t matter how you get there, it only matters that you did.
To close out the night we have an Evening Shout Out where campers who want to share about an experience they had can do so by getting up around our fire circle while holding the spirit stick that’s painted three colors to signify if the actions they took were a comfort, a stretch or a peak.
Words from our Campers 
I wish people would too
If you share, you are typically met with resounding cheers partly because the audience is excited for you to have done whatever you shared, but also because you put yourself out there in a speaking situation. Nights this year at Camp were a mix of campers trying to solve riddles from the Avengers who were really the counselors all hysterically dressed up as Marvel characters in order to help them beat the evil DeSHAYNOS, rec activities and sometimes special activities.
One night we were at the high ropes course, another there’s a talent show, another the relay and of course the last bonfire.
Had this picture been taken a few seconds later you’d have seen another camper scurry up and pass me while also giving me advice. 
We might have all been different teams, but we were all team Cardinal Cabin for the week! 
This smile lights up my heart 
“That’s my cabin mate”
Throughout the week, I didn’t just get to know my campers better, but I also got to make connections with many of the other campers. After Wednesday all meals are Mingle Meals and you have so many opportunities to make connections with them. I also learned that if I want one of the cinnamon rolls that I smelled when I came back from my run in the morning before breakfast, I should not sit at the 13-year-old boys’ table. They fly right off the plate before you can even say please pass the rolls!!! One meal, I found myself deeply engrossed in a camper’s theory on why he thought Tupac was still alive. To simply get to share his VERY EXTENSIVE list as to why he thought this to be true is bigger than any of us who don’t stutter can think about. I wasn’t going to leave him mid-conversation and he knew here at camp, people are going to make space for you and listen. Also if you’re wondering, he DOES NOT think Biggie is still alive. I found myself casually seeking out one camper who also liked to drop his knowledge bombs on you about how his imagination is his best dance move and that he really thinks “DeShaynos” is just one of the counselors dressed up. By the end of the week, he and I got so close that he felt so comfortable that during our morning mindful moment, I found him resting on my should and later admitting that he hadn’t showered all week because he didn’t have soap. I’d take even a few more days of no showers to get to continue to have these insightful conversations with him. The shower secret wasn’t the only secret shared this week at camp. One day before lunch, Coach Tom asked me to help him teach the LITS a dance for part of their skit to the song Footloose. Yes, please and thank you! As we gathered after Rest Hour (say it with me people, “Rest Hour”), one of the campers asked me, “Do you know who Luke’s dad is?” In case I forgot to mention, Luke is that yogi that volunteered to share his superpowers with camp this week. Just as I was asked this, I started to piece things together.
I knew Luke’s last name, I knew what song we were dancing to, no it couldn’t be. The camper then confirmed my puzzling, “Luke is Kenny Loggins’ son.” Well, the song choice makes sense and so didn’t that uncovering. Once I thought about it, he sure did look like him. While this was a fun fact, it was even more fun that the campers actually knew who Kenny Loggins was. I swear these kids have all lived a thousand lives.
The LITs crushed their dance and so did “The Flash”. That was the name of our “dance crew”. We tried to play on the whole superhero theme but also that we were essentially going to attack the dance flash mob-style and surprise the campers at the Talent Show on Thursday. At the end of what was an utterly moving display of talent from the campers and staff, The Flash dance crew all converged on the basketball court that had since gone dark. As the music began the court was lit with lights from the camera crew and the crowd was fully entertained. It was fun and also great to bring all the staff who participated together, but we could not compare to what the campers did up on stage before the sun went down or even as it went down. Beautiful renditions of Halleluiah, funny skits teaching us Spanish, an Irish Jig, a breathtaking original song and in my opinion a cover of “Dreams” by the Cranberries even better than the original were just a few of the acts that left me once again in awe of these kids.
As camp comes to a close on Saturday, parents start to arrive, campers are preparing any last minute things for our closing ceremony and there is a bit of sadness in the air. For a full week, these children lived in what Kristin called a “Community of Reward.” Where their triumphs were met with cheers and their voice was met with open hearts and ears. Even as they go home to their supportive families and hopefully support network, I know that there is no place like Camp Shout Out for these children. They will hopefully take with them the confidence and the experiences to help them as they navigate the real world, but unfortunately, not everyone has gotten hip to the idea that no matter how you get your message out there, it’s worthy of your time to listen. In the closing ceremonies, graduating seniors gave speeches, LITs led discussions with both the campers and their families, parents spoke on what stuttering has taught them some with tears in their eyes as they shared that as someone’s parent stuttering has taught them to be patient or that the message is what’s important. Also, each group gets a chance to share the “stage” to convey something they’ve learned or are coming away with when they leave camp. With a final song, it’s time to drum and clap the campers out. There are a lot of non-dry eyes in the crowd at this point, myself included. It’s one more feel-good moment before it’s all over.
One of the things I was most excited about in getting chosen to come back to camp wasn’t really a thing it was a person. I would get to see my camper from last year. While she and I have kept in touch over the year, I really couldn’t wait to see how she would continue to evolve as an effective communicator this year. While you aren’t paired with your previous camper there is plenty of whole group and extra one on one time that you can get to catch up. Last year, she wasn’t quite ready to try any of the high ropes courses, zip-lining or rock wall. However, at dinner before we left for the course, she asked me if I was going to do any of it. After telling her if there happened to be extra time for the adults, I would, I asked her what she was thinking about for this year. She responded, “I might.” My heart swelled. A “might” was such a big step from last year and I told her that she should be proud of herself for even thinking she might. When our two groups were working side by side at the course, she sought me out to tell me that her might turned into “I have some exciting news. I DID the zipline.”
I held it together when she told me and made sure I mentioned again how proud she must be of herself. As I write this, I have a few tears in my eyes. You only have a week here at camp with these kids, and let me tell you amazing things do happen in this week, but when you get to be a part of someone’s journey and see them take risks and evolve from year to year it is quite the blessing.
Some of the trainees, facilitators, faculty and counselors stay behind Saturday night to enjoy some well deserved time with each other recapping on camp and just make more connections. As it got later in the night, the already intimate crowd gathered around the fire (which I “helped” start by the way) began to dwindle down to where it was just about 10 or so of us left singing along to Scott and Michael playing on their guitars. They were graciously taking our requests, well until I requested “I want it that way” by the Backstreet Boys, that wasn’t happening. As we sang one of Annick’s requests of Green Day’s “Good Riddance” fittingly enough that line, “I hope you had the time of your life” was sung the loudest and as she and I sat cozied up next to each other, we agreed, we both once again had the time of our lives. Three years ago, Annick and I made the promise to each other that we’d apply to get into Camp and I know I can speak for both of us when I say it was one of the best promises kept.
To everyone who made camp what it is, from directors, faculty, facilitators, fellow trainees, volunteers, health staff, professional breathers and most importantly campers, my life is once again forever changed for the better for being with you all. Same time, same place next year???
“things you hate leaving behind…all these shining faces” 
saying goodbye is never easy, but this sure was fun. 
Mad dash for the Canoes in the Relay 
Captain Cash trainees 
Team Captain Cash 
Early morning run crew:) . Who often turned into early morning plunge crew! 
half of the Cabin out on Big Blue Lake, Annick not pictured because she’s taking the picture 
late nights playing “things” and pooling snacks 
Bonding over shared adventures 
After a few days together we start to dress alike:) 
And that’s a wrap
To everyone who stuck with this post to the end, thank you. You showed me that you are capable of making space for someone’s words no matter how long it takes. It’s a good thing I just wrapped this up, there are people at the hotel bar doing some impromptu karaoke to “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to” and while I’m not going to join them, I’m casually rocking out here at my table and my concentration is somewhat gone. Oh man, now they are playing, “All that Jazz.” Must finish before my jazz hands take over. The Summer of Shanley continues for just a few more weeks before I have to start putting my own brave in front and starting over again in Boston. Until then, stay tuned! XOXO, Summer Shanley